It's November

It is November and I am so freaked out because in almost less than a month it will be Christmas and I am no were near ready for it. I wrote back in May about a "life list" that I was gonna try and accomplish....here is the update on that. This is gonna suck.

1)Get a tattoo, I want to do this before I turn 40..would make a great b-day gift (hint, hint) Well since my birthday is this Sunday and I haven't done this...

2)Continue to lose weight, I have a long way to go but I am still working on it. I don't even want to talk about this one...

3) Go to Disney world with the kids (in Oct)This didn't happen either, money is a real thorn in the side at times

4)Look into school options (this one terrifies me) Haven't even looked

5)Be a better friend to everyone Now this one I have tried to do, I think I am doing ok with

6)Spend more time in devotionals every day I am beginning to see a pattern developing

7)Work on engaging my brain before my mouth opens (this would help me so much) I am getting better at this one

8)Make sure that I tell all the people in my life how much they mean to me and that I love them. I have done this partially...I know that doesn't count

9)Find forgiveness for past hurts (this one may take a little bit longer). I am definitely working on this one

10)I would like to be knocked out of my comfort zone. I am definitely not experiencing this

11)Let my kids know everyday how completely wonderful and special they are. I think I am doing this, probably could be better though

12)Try and have more date nights with my wonderful husband. This one definitely has not happened as often as I would like

So as you can see I am not doing a very good job at my list....this may work for some people but obviously not me....LOL! Oh well, as the time gets closer that I am about to start a new generation in my life I guess I should not look at what I haven't done but what I still have to do and how I am going to get it done.

Friday, October 15

Well I didn't write for 2 days. I will have to get into a habit of doing the writing. They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit so I guess I have got about 3 weeks to get this right. The past couple of days have been "good ones" I suppose you could say, at the very least I haven't wanted to cry or scream so that is a plus. Went and spent the day with my mom and grandmother on Wednesday, I guess as a girl you are always wanting that approval from your mom, although I know that I may not get exactly what I want as far as affirmation or praise from her I suppose the best I can hope for is just civility and acceptance. I don't know that I have ever heard or will ever hear my mom or my dad for that matter tell me I am a good parent or a good daughter. I have heard, you just wait, your day is coming, your child will put you through what you put us through, I would love that...a kid who does what she is told, gets good grades, doesn't sass back because of fear of the punishment....I say bring it on.

As for my support, the only one that I can truly say is there at all times and has my back is my husband. He is the only one who has ever given half a rat's butt about how I feel or what makes me happy or even told me I was worth something. My sister definitely is there when I need her but I don't know that I would feel comfortable trying to explain to her my feelings of self worth or lack there of or my feelings of anger about our childhood or things that personal. I guess I share just up to that wall and then say...nope not going over that.

May is here

May is here already and I can't believe it. I have been thinking about making myself a list of goals that I would love to finish before this calendar year ends. I know that they are not going to be all big things, but they are to me. I will be turning 40 this year in November and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about getting older and feel it, my body wants to do things that I can't possibly fulfill or can't help but think that maybe I might have wasted a whole lot of time.

So here goes:

Goals

1)Get a tattoo, I want to do this before I turn 40..would make a great b-day gift (hint, hint)

2)Continue to lose weight, I have a long way to go but I am still working on it.

3) Go to Disney world with the kids (in Oct)

4)Look into school options (this one terrifies me)

5)Be a better friend to everyone

6)Spend more time in devotionals every day

7)Work on engaging my brain before my mouth opens (this would help me so much)

8)Make sure that I tell all the people in my life how much they mean to me and that I love them

9)Find forgiveness for past hurts (this one may take a little bit longer)

10)I would like to be knocked out of my comfort zone

11)Let my kids know everyday how completely wonderful and special they are

12)Try and have more date nights with my wonderful husband

So there you have it, not a big list and not a lot of great and amazing things that will change the world but they could quite possibly change my world.

So we will see what happens, hopefully, I will be able to fulfill at least half of this list but I am speaking optimistically and saying that I would love to finish them all and will try my best.

Until next time...go make a list.

Feeling great!!

Ok, so the weather is great here in TN, although the pollen counts have been just crazy high. The air quality has been described as hazardous or very unhealthy...you don't say?? Oh that would explain why I can't breathe, my eyes just take to itching and watering at any given time or my nose takes on a life of it's own. What can you do though, just buy tissues and try to keep up. :)

I didn't go weigh last week like I said I would, I am going tomorrow. I totally chickened out, I mean I know that I have lost more weight, I just am so flipping scared to step on those stupid scales. It scares me almost as much as thinking about having to get naked or speak in public...almost sends me into a panic attack. Ok, just breathe, in...and out....in and out....ok much better now.

So let me tell you about the most stupid thing I have done lately, so last week at my allergy dr's office, I always take the elevator up the 4 flights of stairs. So as I am walking in and going down the hall toward the elevator I see the door to the stairwell....and I think...you know what, I am going to run those stairs today....I know, those ideas that sound so much better in your head, so I opened that door and hit it....I ran up the stairs....all 4 flights. I got to the top and mind you I was breathing like I had just ran a marathon, well it sorta was if you think about it, for me at least. I go and grab the door knob and ......it is locked....WHAT??? I am screaming in my head because it is at this point that I realize I now have to run back down the stairs....LOL, ok so off I went. By the time I got to the bottom my legs were feeling like I had exchanged the muscles in for water. So then I rode the elevator up and finished my appointment, went and visited with a friend and then went had lunch with my sweetie and then had some extra time before I had to pick up Kylie from school. So I go home and since we have a 2 story house, I open the door and start up and then is when my thigh and calf muscles decided that they would show me who was boss....I was afraid I wasn't going to make it up my 15 steps. It was then that I started thinking that maybe living in the basement wouldn't be such a bad thing, I mean, there is no bathroom or anything down there but using a toilet is overrated anyway....right?? It was also at this point that I began wondering how much it would cost to have an elevator installed in my house.
Oh it was painful.....but guess what?? That was nothing compared to how my calves felt the next morning...they hurt to even touch them....and when I say touch them I mean, even them touching the couch was painful....LOL...that will show me. Baby steps Karen, baby steps, well that is what I was doing for the next few days, but also to realize that although I may be feeling better since I have been eating right and exercising, that these poor muscles haven't been worked that hard in a very long time and if I want to keep them I have to be nice to them. :)

Until next time, be kind....take the elevator!! :)

Easter weekend

Well it is hard to believe but April is already here....jeez, someone needs to put the brakes on..this year is flying.

We had a great Easter weekend, was a little bit busy but not too bad which I love. The kids were out of school on Friday so Tanner ended up going to his dads and Kylie and I hung out at home and I cleaned and she helped...somewhat....LOL!!. What can you expect?? I guess the reason I don't make my kids do a whole lot of chores is because of my childhood...I can remember my sister and I having to be responsible for doing a whole lot of the cleaning.....I know I always hated it.

Friday evening we went shopping for Chris, trying to find him a shirt and tie that matched Kylie's dress...yes we have become that family...you know the ones...they all look so cute and wearing the same color. No, really we aren't but I thought it would be cute so we did it. I have to say though in looking to find me something to match them I wasn't as successful, I absolutely detest shopping for myself...I know it is from all those years of just trying to find clothes that would fit and hating it. So anyway, although I didn't match I have to say I was taken to church by the hottest looking man and the cutest little redhead ever. :)

We had a great Easter service at church, kinda unconventional, but it was still good and powerful at times. Just to think of the pain and suffering that Jesus went through just to save me...WOW!! Overwhelming at best...

Going to go weigh in on Wednesday of this week, so hopefully the pounds will still be coming down...I know they are because I can tell by the way my clothes are getting bigger still. I find that I am still wearing the big clothes and I noticed it yesterday when we took pics for Easter, that they are making me look a whole lot bigger...I should be showing off all my hard work and I am still trying to hide in the clothes. Old habits die hard I guess.

Oh well, until next time be kind and always try and remember your blessings in life. :)

I really don't like Mondays

I have tried, I really have to like them but to no avail. I think the reason I don't like them is because after being with the kids and my wonderful husband all weekend, I really hate to see them all go on Monday and the house seems too quiet. Oh well, what can you do, the kids have to go to school the, Chris has to go to work and Monday has to come so I guess I better learn to love it cause it keeps on coming. :)

Things have been going good lately, almost too good. Chris and I were able to get away 2 weeks ago for the church's marriage retreat. We had a wonderful time, we usually do, which at times I have such a hard time wrapping my brain around. In all my past I can never really remember enjoying a man's company as much as I do his. He makes me laugh, he makes me cry (in a good way), he challenges me. I love that about him. Our retreat's curriculum this year was titled "Love and Respect" awesome, awesome stuff. I actually had one of those great "aha" moments. I found that I had been punishing my husband for things that in all honesty were my doing. I was being disrespectful and in turn his reaction was to be distant and the more he became distant the more disrespectful I would become. We were on the "crazy cycle". I am happy to now have that knowledge and to hopefully not jump back on that cycle again but if we do then maybe for not so long.

I just found out Friday that next year's retreat is scheduled for January, so that means that we get another weekend all alone in less than a year...woohoo!!! I think we need them twice a year personally. Every couple needs time away just to reconnect, it totally renews and rejuvenates the spirit and allows you to remember what it was like when you were dating.

I am still on the weight loss wagon, I am doing good (or at least I think I am) and let's be honest that is all that really matters. I have gone down 1 pant size in my jeans and in my shirts I actually bought a shirt out of the regular women's department...now mind you it was a t-shirt but it was still a small victory for me. I have about 10 more days till I go weigh again but I did weigh out at my sister's a couple of weeks ago and according to her scales I had lost another 5 pounds but as scales go they differ from one to the other. I actually am finding it easier to resist certain things, I have been working way too hard to mess up and I am loving how I am feeling. I never realized how bad the wrong foods can make you feel. I now realize how much of a mind over matter deal it really is. They say it takes 21 days to make a new habit, I honestly believe that now. As I sit here and type this, there are a dozen doughnuts sitting out on my kitchen table, do I want to eat one....kinda...will I...NO!! Because now instead of not caring what goes in my mouth or if I am even hungry, I say....do I really need that?? Surprisingly, the answer is no more often than not. So, if nothing else changes besides that....then I have made progress.

Well I have rambled on long enough, probably wouldn't do that if I blogged more often. :) Until next time...think twice before you grab that doughnut....a moment on the lips....forever on the hips.

Latest news

Well this week didn't have very many surprises, other than a very unexpected snow fall that hit yesterday morning and had things all kinds of messed up and ugly for a little while. We were busy all weekend with things for other people, Saturday morning and almost all day had us at our church testing and putting in a new sound board and tuning it up. Sunday was church, lunch and then we had to be at another church at 5 for a special ministry event. Now that was a whole new experience I have to say. But a good one, long, but good.

I weighed in yesterday, I am happy to say that I have lost 16 lbs since January 28. I was proud of myself. I have really been trying to cut back and watch what I eat and exercise also. I know, I know....all that stuff that I should have been doing all along. Don't judge me!! LOL

Things are still good at home, thankfully. I am so looking forward to Chris and I being able to get away for 3 days in a couple of weeks. We are having our church's annual Marriage Retreat in Pigeon Forge. I know it isn't a large amount of time but we always have such a great time together. Well we always have, we love doing stuff together whether it be from grocery shopping to having a romantic dinner. We always manage to laugh and enjoy each other. I have a hard time grasping sometimes a man that actually wants to be with me or enjoys it. My experience in the past has not always been that. I am so blessed and lucky to have such a wonderful man.

Well that's about all for now...I am sure I will have more later...till then...be sweet!!