Friday, October 15

Well I didn't write for 2 days. I will have to get into a habit of doing the writing. They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit so I guess I have got about 3 weeks to get this right. The past couple of days have been "good ones" I suppose you could say, at the very least I haven't wanted to cry or scream so that is a plus. Went and spent the day with my mom and grandmother on Wednesday, I guess as a girl you are always wanting that approval from your mom, although I know that I may not get exactly what I want as far as affirmation or praise from her I suppose the best I can hope for is just civility and acceptance. I don't know that I have ever heard or will ever hear my mom or my dad for that matter tell me I am a good parent or a good daughter. I have heard, you just wait, your day is coming, your child will put you through what you put us through, I would love that...a kid who does what she is told, gets good grades, doesn't sass back because of fear of the punishment....I say bring it on.

As for my support, the only one that I can truly say is there at all times and has my back is my husband. He is the only one who has ever given half a rat's butt about how I feel or what makes me happy or even told me I was worth something. My sister definitely is there when I need her but I don't know that I would feel comfortable trying to explain to her my feelings of self worth or lack there of or my feelings of anger about our childhood or things that personal. I guess I share just up to that wall and then say...nope not going over that.