It's kinda funny, when I first started writing this it was supposed to be about my weight loss, well in fact it has ended up being about my life. That isn't to say that my weight loss isn't a part of my life, at times it even has felt like the only thing that I think about and worry about. I am sick again, I am so tired of not being able to breathe, I finally made an appointment to go see an ear, nose and throat specialist. Hopefully I can get some relief from this craziness.
Well some things have changed around our house, the boys decided that they wanted to go live with their dad to which I finally gave in. They have been there a few months now...you would think...no more problems right....WRONG!! It seems that even though they live with him now and finally got what they "said" they wanted. I am still the root of their problems, at least according to them. I look at them sometimes and think....what happened to them. They used to be so sweet and kind and such good boys. Now they are still good boys but they have strayed away from things that are right and have began talking to me as if I was the check-out lady at the supermarket....but the be honest, she would probably be treated more kindly.
I just pray and pray that they will eventually come back to what they know is right. And, in all actuality that is the only thing you can do...you have to surrender them to God. Be there, pray for them, love them, try to guide them in the right direction and just hope that they will allow God to work in their life.
On to other things, my relationship with my mother is still strained...I know, big surprise huh?? I don't know that I want to attempt to put myself back into the relationship.
Kylie lost one of her top front teeth today, she looks so cute with that snaggle tooth smile. My sweetie is growing up so much. She is done with her 1st grade year and made straight A's, she is so smart. She obviously gets the brains from her daddy.
Well I am racking my brain to think of something else to say but I got nothing...so I am out!!
Until next time, be sweet!!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
It's been a while May 4, 2009
Oh my goodness, I haven't been on here in forever to journal. It's like missing your therapy appointments...ok, so here goes.
The past couple of months have been really busy, a good kind of busy though as you know I don't do alone very well so being busy helps. Now before you get any crazy ideas like I have been cleaning out my cabinets and scrubbing my floors....not that kind of busy. :)
My sweetie went on his Emmaus walk back at the beginning of March. I have to tell you, that whole experience showed me a lot of things about me and some that I didn't like. I found out that I am a very needy person. I went 4 days without being able to talk to me husband, this just about took it's toll on me. I found myself crying on the second day, I am not a strong person by any means and by Sunday, I was just walking around in a fog basically. When I was finally able to see him again, it was like....ahh, now this is how it is supposed to be. I have told him, it will have to be joint effort when we die, I don't want to live without him. He was able to tell me a little bit about his walk, he had a great experience and so now was my time to go.
I went 4 weeks later, it was a bit easier just knowing that since he had been before, he would be able to come up and serve at the meals and we could see each other for a few minutes. I have to say I did this with the same trepidation that I do everything in life. I am so glad that I let my sweetie talk me into staying, I would have truly missed my blessing and being able to find some freedom from a lot of baggage that I have been carrying for a very, very long time. I got some of my joy back, I am not a completely changed person because in my mind to say that I am changed is to say that I don't have room to grow and I definitely know that I have more room to grow. I am new, that I what I like to call it. I still find myself at times trying to pick my baggage back up but I just have to say to myself over and over and over and over....don't do it Karen, you are forgiven. Do not let your past dictate your life!! That is the most important thing that I have to keep telling myself.
I have so much more to tell but for now I will just say that I am truly blessed and forgiven and for that I Thank the Lord!!
The past couple of months have been really busy, a good kind of busy though as you know I don't do alone very well so being busy helps. Now before you get any crazy ideas like I have been cleaning out my cabinets and scrubbing my floors....not that kind of busy. :)
My sweetie went on his Emmaus walk back at the beginning of March. I have to tell you, that whole experience showed me a lot of things about me and some that I didn't like. I found out that I am a very needy person. I went 4 days without being able to talk to me husband, this just about took it's toll on me. I found myself crying on the second day, I am not a strong person by any means and by Sunday, I was just walking around in a fog basically. When I was finally able to see him again, it was like....ahh, now this is how it is supposed to be. I have told him, it will have to be joint effort when we die, I don't want to live without him. He was able to tell me a little bit about his walk, he had a great experience and so now was my time to go.
I went 4 weeks later, it was a bit easier just knowing that since he had been before, he would be able to come up and serve at the meals and we could see each other for a few minutes. I have to say I did this with the same trepidation that I do everything in life. I am so glad that I let my sweetie talk me into staying, I would have truly missed my blessing and being able to find some freedom from a lot of baggage that I have been carrying for a very, very long time. I got some of my joy back, I am not a completely changed person because in my mind to say that I am changed is to say that I don't have room to grow and I definitely know that I have more room to grow. I am new, that I what I like to call it. I still find myself at times trying to pick my baggage back up but I just have to say to myself over and over and over and over....don't do it Karen, you are forgiven. Do not let your past dictate your life!! That is the most important thing that I have to keep telling myself.
I have so much more to tell but for now I will just say that I am truly blessed and forgiven and for that I Thank the Lord!!
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