Yeah, I know I am, no need to tell me. I haven't posted in about 2 weeks. I suck at keeping up. Oh well, there could be worse problems. I am 2 days shy of my 5 weeks post-op and I am feeling great. I have no pain now whatsoever and I have to keep reminding myself to be careful, don't overdo it, I don't want to do any damage to things still healing that would force me to have to "be good" for any longer. Oh my gosh, let me just tell you now, this has been the longest.....longest 5 weeks so far and I have one more week to go...come on people. Woman can not survive with food and sleep alone. I must have hubby!!! LOL, Now don't blush, this is the real me, if you can handle it ok, if not, then stop reading now. My parents have not disappointed me in that, they have yet to ask me how I am doing, how my recovery process has been or just "how you feeling today", nope, nothing, nada. Oh well, you might say, well you asked for it by not telling them, and to some degree you might be right but they are still my parents and are supposed to care about me....oh wait...maybe that is it. (this is where the light bulb goes on above my head) They are acting like people that don't care, so now I know.
I don't know what has really kept me from posting the last couple of weeks, I haven't been that busy and I haven't had a legitimate reason really other than, well, I just haven't felt like putting my thoughts down on paper just yet. But, today is a new day, so here goes. I am putting my kids back in public school this year, my daughter will go into the first grade, my son into high school. I have to say that going into homeschooling I really didn't know if I would like it or not, but now that I am not doing it this year, I have to say I think I am going to miss it. I really want to go back to work but I guess I want my cake and be able to eat it too. I got really emotional last night at out church small group meeting. They asked about prayer request and I just kinda lost it and had to leave the room. I really am struggling with this whole school thing for my daughter, now I don't worry about my son that much, he can handle himself. Truth be told, my daughter can too. I just worry about her. This is my baby, this is the last time that I really feel like I can hold on to her and keep her small. To put her in school is like telling her it is ok, mom won't always be there, now go out into the world and grow. That thought literally hurts me to my core. Knowing everything this world has to offer and all the bad things as well. I feel like I can't protect her forever but while she is small, that is my job and it just feels like I am letting her go get hurt.
I know how girls are in school, trust me I was one once. They are cruel, I would never want someone to tell my daughter she isn't smart enough or pretty enough or friendly enough to do anything she wants in life. I never want her to have one minute's doubt or fear but to hope that she never has this is to also wish that the sun won't rise tomorrow or that the stars won't shine in the sky at night. It is crazy to think that she will never be hurt in life but like I said, while she is small I feel like that is my job to protect her from that.
Oh well, enough of that. I will be off to crying again. I am so sick of this weak side of me and just wish for once that I could be strong and not let my insecurities rule my emotions. As I always say, grow a spine, but easier said than done.
Ok, until next time, be sweet and go hug a child while they still let you because who knows, maybe next month they will think you sprouted that second head and want have anything to do with you.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
What a blessing!!
Well I went back last Thursday for my 2 week post op check. The nurse said everything was looking good and healing up nicely and to come back in 4 more weeks for my last follow up. I go back on July 31, one day after my anniversary with my wonderful husband of 6 years. That is what I thought I would journal about today, our relationship.
We met in a very unconventional way, through a friend, well that isn't exactly honest but only he and I will ever really know the truth and that is the way it will stay. I have to say, I heard a line the other day in a movie and it made me just go...yeah, that is exactly what I was feeling, the line was this..."You were everything I always dreamed about in a man and it scared me to death to find you" That is exactly how our relationship is, because when we first met I was a little bit on the bitter and defensive side, from my previous relationships and marriage of almost 10 years. Then here rides into town, my hero, he was everything I ever dreamed about in a man and it scared the crap out of me. He was so nice, sincere, funny, everything...the whole package. Then I started keeping my distance, this couldn't be happening to me, he was too good to be true. We would talk on the phone for hours, we would email all the time, we became friends before anything, (which in my opinion is the only way to go) we would spend our dates together just talking and having fun, I never really let it get into my heart that I was falling for him.
They say every relationship has a defining moment, I have shared this story with him and he always says.."really, that was it?" On one of our dates, he took me to a museum, first time I had ever been to one, as we are walking around looking at the exhibits and all, he has this new odd demeanor about him, he is avoiding me, he was so aloof, he wouldn't hold my hand, he would brush off all my attempts to flirt with him and it was at that moment..that very moment that I realized...."oh my gosh, I am falling for this guy and I have totally messed it up". I had put up so many walls that I was pushing out the best thing to come into my life in along time. It was just shortly after that date that our relationship took on another level, I started opening up to him, started letting him into my world and he done what he had always done, he jumped in with both feet. Now that isn't to say that I still didn't have issues to work through and come on, lets be honest here, I still have issues to work through, but I began to see that letting someone in didn't necessarily mean you were setting yourself up for heartache again.
We dated for over a year and then got married, we have had our ups and downs, but I have to say the ups, always, out measure the downs by leaps and bounds. This is a blessing that God sent to me and I plan on treasuring my blessing for as long as God sees fit to let me have him on this earth. I have found love and know what it means now to look into the eyes of love and know that everything I did, everything I went through, every trial that I faced, brought me to this man and for that I am truly blessed and highly favored!!!
Until next time.....be sweet and don't give up....your blessing is coming...just be able to recognize it!!!
We met in a very unconventional way, through a friend, well that isn't exactly honest but only he and I will ever really know the truth and that is the way it will stay. I have to say, I heard a line the other day in a movie and it made me just go...yeah, that is exactly what I was feeling, the line was this..."You were everything I always dreamed about in a man and it scared me to death to find you" That is exactly how our relationship is, because when we first met I was a little bit on the bitter and defensive side, from my previous relationships and marriage of almost 10 years. Then here rides into town, my hero, he was everything I ever dreamed about in a man and it scared the crap out of me. He was so nice, sincere, funny, everything...the whole package. Then I started keeping my distance, this couldn't be happening to me, he was too good to be true. We would talk on the phone for hours, we would email all the time, we became friends before anything, (which in my opinion is the only way to go) we would spend our dates together just talking and having fun, I never really let it get into my heart that I was falling for him.
They say every relationship has a defining moment, I have shared this story with him and he always says.."really, that was it?" On one of our dates, he took me to a museum, first time I had ever been to one, as we are walking around looking at the exhibits and all, he has this new odd demeanor about him, he is avoiding me, he was so aloof, he wouldn't hold my hand, he would brush off all my attempts to flirt with him and it was at that moment..that very moment that I realized...."oh my gosh, I am falling for this guy and I have totally messed it up". I had put up so many walls that I was pushing out the best thing to come into my life in along time. It was just shortly after that date that our relationship took on another level, I started opening up to him, started letting him into my world and he done what he had always done, he jumped in with both feet. Now that isn't to say that I still didn't have issues to work through and come on, lets be honest here, I still have issues to work through, but I began to see that letting someone in didn't necessarily mean you were setting yourself up for heartache again.
We dated for over a year and then got married, we have had our ups and downs, but I have to say the ups, always, out measure the downs by leaps and bounds. This is a blessing that God sent to me and I plan on treasuring my blessing for as long as God sees fit to let me have him on this earth. I have found love and know what it means now to look into the eyes of love and know that everything I did, everything I went through, every trial that I faced, brought me to this man and for that I am truly blessed and highly favored!!!
Until next time.....be sweet and don't give up....your blessing is coming...just be able to recognize it!!!
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
It is freaking July 1st already
COME ON!!! I can't believe it is already July. This year is officially half over, have you started your Christmas shopping yet?? Not me, I wait till the very last minute almost, although I have to say I am not nearly as bad as my dear sweet husband. He likes to wait to Christmas Eve to go shopping, give me a break, I would rather shoot myself in the foot than to do that. Less painful, I am sure.
Well I am almost 2 weeks post-op and really starting to feel better, I am moving around alot better now and not in pain hardly at all, except for the occasional back spasm. Don't really know what that is all about?? I was starting to think I had made a huge mistake by getting the surgery done, last week I was hurting all the time and not feeling good at all. Glad that has gotten better.
I have to say though, I have not only fallen off the proverbial weight loss wagon, I think I have fallen under it and been run over a couple of times. I have totally been eating the wrong stuff lately. Shame, shame, shame, I know, I don't need you to tell me. :(
I found out recently that they are going to be starting a new weight loss program in August, so I am all on board for that one and I will be all medically released by then and good to go.
So here is the drama that I have been living in, when I decided to have my surgery I decided not to say anything to my mother about it. Now, before you say "oh no" and start clucking your tongue at me, let me explain. We don't exactly see eye to eye on things, well a lot of things to be honest and I knew that if I told her she would want to come down to the hospital. That is the last thing I wanted or needed, so I thought why not just wait till afterwards and tell her and just let her know that I did not want her to worry or anything....sounded like a good plan....until my sister's mother in law ran into my mom in the store and mentioned it, the day after my surgery. Well you can guess the scene she pitched....oh, but not to me. My sister called me and let me know what had happened to which I tried to call and explain and she wouldn't take my call. Oh well, what can you do. So then about 5 days later she calls and says...are you ready for this...."I don't mind telling you, you really hurt me" WHAT THE CRAP!!! I hurt her, are you kidding me, she is going to come at me with that?? This is the same woman that put me through hell my entire life and now into my adult life, wants to tell me that I hurt her!! Give me a break!!
Ok, I am off that soap box, for now. Trust me there will be other days that I can rant and rave about this person. I am so sick of trying to please my parents that I am done trying, that's right, you heard it here first. I am done trying. They can kiss my big toe!! Well now that I said that, you know what I am going to do right?? You guessed it, I will continue to check my spine at the door anytime I am around them.
Until next time...be sweet and take it easy on the fireworks...not everyone likes them!!! :)
Well I am almost 2 weeks post-op and really starting to feel better, I am moving around alot better now and not in pain hardly at all, except for the occasional back spasm. Don't really know what that is all about?? I was starting to think I had made a huge mistake by getting the surgery done, last week I was hurting all the time and not feeling good at all. Glad that has gotten better.
I have to say though, I have not only fallen off the proverbial weight loss wagon, I think I have fallen under it and been run over a couple of times. I have totally been eating the wrong stuff lately. Shame, shame, shame, I know, I don't need you to tell me. :(
I found out recently that they are going to be starting a new weight loss program in August, so I am all on board for that one and I will be all medically released by then and good to go.
So here is the drama that I have been living in, when I decided to have my surgery I decided not to say anything to my mother about it. Now, before you say "oh no" and start clucking your tongue at me, let me explain. We don't exactly see eye to eye on things, well a lot of things to be honest and I knew that if I told her she would want to come down to the hospital. That is the last thing I wanted or needed, so I thought why not just wait till afterwards and tell her and just let her know that I did not want her to worry or anything....sounded like a good plan....until my sister's mother in law ran into my mom in the store and mentioned it, the day after my surgery. Well you can guess the scene she pitched....oh, but not to me. My sister called me and let me know what had happened to which I tried to call and explain and she wouldn't take my call. Oh well, what can you do. So then about 5 days later she calls and says...are you ready for this...."I don't mind telling you, you really hurt me" WHAT THE CRAP!!! I hurt her, are you kidding me, she is going to come at me with that?? This is the same woman that put me through hell my entire life and now into my adult life, wants to tell me that I hurt her!! Give me a break!!
Ok, I am off that soap box, for now. Trust me there will be other days that I can rant and rave about this person. I am so sick of trying to please my parents that I am done trying, that's right, you heard it here first. I am done trying. They can kiss my big toe!! Well now that I said that, you know what I am going to do right?? You guessed it, I will continue to check my spine at the door anytime I am around them.
Until next time...be sweet and take it easy on the fireworks...not everyone likes them!!! :)
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