We are both very stubborn people and when we think we are right about something we sink our teeth into it and don't let go. Each of us wanting the other to listen to our points and it ends up being a lecturing session, "this is what you do wrong all the time", "you never listen to me" "it wasn't what you said, but how you said it" or "well, you might as well of said it this way, I know that is what you meant" ....I know, sounds stupid to me even writing it down. This is the crap we fight about, but at the time it is the most important thing in the world, or at least we think it is.
Monday, March 1, 2010
I'm Sorry
Two words, not big words in the sense of letters but bigger in the sense of what they mean. When you are wronged or hurt....you expect them almost as a way of making amends and healing a hurt. We teach our kids to say it when they hurt another child during play or if they do something wrong. They learn quickly that sometimes their actions or words are wrong and in turn they are supposed to apologize for their actions. So why then is it so hard to do it as an adult, we learned it as children but as adults it doesn't seem to matter or is a long forgotten art of making amends. Is it pride that holds a person back from apologizing or is it the very act of having to say that you are possibly wrong that keeps you from saying it? It takes two people to argue, two people to cause the discord, two people to say loud or mean things that are not always what you are meaning to say but when only one person says I am sorry, it is as if the one person is taking the responsibility for the entire argument, when the same one person is the one always apologizing it begins to feel like you are the reason for all the problems in the relationship. If you haven't figured it out by now, this person is me. Chris and I don't argue that much, maybe once a month or even less but when we do it usually begins with either one of us saying something we didn't mean or it coming out the wrong way and then it escalates from there.
We are both very stubborn people and when we think we are right about something we sink our teeth into it and don't let go. Each of us wanting the other to listen to our points and it ends up being a lecturing session, "this is what you do wrong all the time", "you never listen to me" "it wasn't what you said, but how you said it" or "well, you might as well of said it this way, I know that is what you meant" ....I know, sounds stupid to me even writing it down. This is the crap we fight about, but at the time it is the most important thing in the world, or at least we think it is.
We are both very stubborn people and when we think we are right about something we sink our teeth into it and don't let go. Each of us wanting the other to listen to our points and it ends up being a lecturing session, "this is what you do wrong all the time", "you never listen to me" "it wasn't what you said, but how you said it" or "well, you might as well of said it this way, I know that is what you meant" ....I know, sounds stupid to me even writing it down. This is the crap we fight about, but at the time it is the most important thing in the world, or at least we think it is.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
7 months
I just looked at the date that I had last posted a blog and realized that 7 months of my life had slipped by and I haven't said anything. So here goes.
Things have changed a lot at our house, we moved into a new house on September 16, why do I remember the date exactly, 2 reasons, first it was my husband's b-day and second it was the day that our family felt like we got our freedom back. We had been living in my grandmother's house and paying her rent. This woman was relentless and so nosy that we got to calling her "big brother". We were almost to the point were we think she knew stuff before we did!! LOL
So we are now moved and settled in and so much more at peace here.
My youngest son Tanner is living back with us. We are loving having him here and everything and everybody is getting along nicely. Now as for my oldest son...I haven't seen him since Christmas. He came and got his gifts and hasn't been back to our house since. I guess that is all we are good for. Had I known he was going to act this way...he wouldn't have gotten anything. I miss him terribly and would love to see him but for some unknown reason he is mad at me and refuses to tell me why or what I might have done. He won't accept my phone calls and when I try to text him...the only response I ever get is "don't text me" or " I am going to have your number blocked". I refuse to give up on him though. I love him and pray daily that God will maybe help me heal this relationship. I keep wanting to think that maybe it is just a phase, that he will come back to me and actually want to talk to me or see me. In the meantime though I really do miss him and love him.
As for my weight loss on again/off again goals and thoughts...I have jumped back on the wagon and for the past month have started watching what I eat, cutting out the sweets and snacks (or at least the bad ones) and began to exercise. I have a goal of 10 pounds a month and by george I will do what ever I have to, to get there. I am only weighing once a month, no sense in making myself become a scale junkie...I could never live that way....maybe after I lose quite a bit of weight that might be more feasible but at this point...it is just another way to bring me down.
I do know that it is working so far because I put on a pair of jeans that had become tight over that past year and when I put them on yesterday I didn't have to struggle to get them on and buttoned. I didn't even have to do that awkward tight pant squat down just trying to get them to stretch a little bit.
I don't know about the rest of you but I blame it on the dryer..that darn thing just kept shrinking my clothes so I thought I better do something to try and keep up with it. I can't afford to be buying clothes all the time. :)
My goal is to try and lose 100 lbs by the time our Disney World trip rolls around at the end of October. I want to be able to ride the rides with the kids without fear of being told I am too fat to fasten the belt or fit in the seats.
I want to be able to sit in my husband's lap without worrying is he gonna need an air pump when I get up or worse yet....is he even gonna be able to stand up!! LOL I know I laugh about it and make jokes but I really do want the simple things. I want my husband to be able to hug me and lift me off the ground if he wants to...at this point in the game it would mean an extra set of hands and quite possibly a wench....and that just takes all the romantic stuff out of it. :) I mean how romantic is a guy in traction?? Plus I would love to be able to buy the cute clothes instead of dreading when I know I need something new and having to go to the fat section and pick from their many choices of knit pants and colored tent tops. I want to wear sexy jeans and have my man look at me with that look.
So we will see what happens...I can tell you the one difference this time then the other hundred times I have attempted to lose weight...it was my decision this time and there is a fire in me that wants to be thinner.
Here goes!!! This could be fun and heartbreaking at the same time....I am sure I will let you know!!
K-Mac
Things have changed a lot at our house, we moved into a new house on September 16, why do I remember the date exactly, 2 reasons, first it was my husband's b-day and second it was the day that our family felt like we got our freedom back. We had been living in my grandmother's house and paying her rent. This woman was relentless and so nosy that we got to calling her "big brother". We were almost to the point were we think she knew stuff before we did!! LOL
So we are now moved and settled in and so much more at peace here.
My youngest son Tanner is living back with us. We are loving having him here and everything and everybody is getting along nicely. Now as for my oldest son...I haven't seen him since Christmas. He came and got his gifts and hasn't been back to our house since. I guess that is all we are good for. Had I known he was going to act this way...he wouldn't have gotten anything. I miss him terribly and would love to see him but for some unknown reason he is mad at me and refuses to tell me why or what I might have done. He won't accept my phone calls and when I try to text him...the only response I ever get is "don't text me" or " I am going to have your number blocked". I refuse to give up on him though. I love him and pray daily that God will maybe help me heal this relationship. I keep wanting to think that maybe it is just a phase, that he will come back to me and actually want to talk to me or see me. In the meantime though I really do miss him and love him.
As for my weight loss on again/off again goals and thoughts...I have jumped back on the wagon and for the past month have started watching what I eat, cutting out the sweets and snacks (or at least the bad ones) and began to exercise. I have a goal of 10 pounds a month and by george I will do what ever I have to, to get there. I am only weighing once a month, no sense in making myself become a scale junkie...I could never live that way....maybe after I lose quite a bit of weight that might be more feasible but at this point...it is just another way to bring me down.
I do know that it is working so far because I put on a pair of jeans that had become tight over that past year and when I put them on yesterday I didn't have to struggle to get them on and buttoned. I didn't even have to do that awkward tight pant squat down just trying to get them to stretch a little bit.
I don't know about the rest of you but I blame it on the dryer..that darn thing just kept shrinking my clothes so I thought I better do something to try and keep up with it. I can't afford to be buying clothes all the time. :)
My goal is to try and lose 100 lbs by the time our Disney World trip rolls around at the end of October. I want to be able to ride the rides with the kids without fear of being told I am too fat to fasten the belt or fit in the seats.
I want to be able to sit in my husband's lap without worrying is he gonna need an air pump when I get up or worse yet....is he even gonna be able to stand up!! LOL I know I laugh about it and make jokes but I really do want the simple things. I want my husband to be able to hug me and lift me off the ground if he wants to...at this point in the game it would mean an extra set of hands and quite possibly a wench....and that just takes all the romantic stuff out of it. :) I mean how romantic is a guy in traction?? Plus I would love to be able to buy the cute clothes instead of dreading when I know I need something new and having to go to the fat section and pick from their many choices of knit pants and colored tent tops. I want to wear sexy jeans and have my man look at me with that look.
So we will see what happens...I can tell you the one difference this time then the other hundred times I have attempted to lose weight...it was my decision this time and there is a fire in me that wants to be thinner.
Here goes!!! This could be fun and heartbreaking at the same time....I am sure I will let you know!!
K-Mac
Monday, July 27, 2009
Invisible
Ok, before I start this is going to probably be a pity party so you have been warned.
I would have to say that I know I have self esteem issues, always have. I know that I should probably take responsibility for them but I have to think that I didn't come into this world with these issues. I have to assume that these were brought on me, I was made to have these issues by other people. I know that this happens in everyone's life but there are times that I honestly feel like I am the only one. I feel alone, sad, depressed at times. I go back in my mind and try to think...when did this start and I can't come up with a certain day or time. I think it comes back to a period of just piling on.
I can not sit here and tell you one time that I have ever heard my parents say they are proud of me for anything....told me I was pretty, told me I was smart, that I was worth something, nope, nadda, nothing. I was never shown the proper way a man should treat a woman which is probably why when I started dating men I allowed them to use me,to never tell me I was pretty, or to value me, why...because I didn't value myself enough to care. Why I allowed myself to stay in a loveless marriage for a decade thinking at the end that it was my fault that he was never home, that he never listened to me, that he made fun of me, that he called me names, told me I was worthless and I took it all thinking that this was the norm when in retrospect it was anything but normal. It was quite abnormal.
Why I can't make friends easily because at some point they are going to let me down and probably use me as others have. Now that isn't to say that I don't have friends, I do, but I have a whole lot of people that I call friends that probably don't know when my birthday is or what my fav color is or what I like to do for fun...the reason they don't know this is because I don't allow them to know it. I don't share therefore, the less they know the less chance I have of getting hurt. Sounds like a good idea right?? Not so much at times. I have probably truly confided in maybe 10 people in the past 10 years. There are things about me that would make some blush, some be disgusted, and some just choose to not be around me, but that is my past, that is what I carry with me, that is what makes me who I am today. Not all good at times, but also not all bad.
I really try to be a good person and do the right things and the things that are expected of me, I fail and sometimes I feel like I fail on a daily basis but that is when I have to remind myself.. I am not in this alone anymore, I have a friend that is with me all the time, that has always been there, but I just refused to allow him in at times. Why?? I could give you a hundred excuses but that is all they would be....excuses! When I truly give my cares and burdens over to the Lord and stop thinking about how bad I have been or how much I screwed up in the past or how much I screwed up today....is when I find true friendship. He is there always without fail, without condemnation, He is there with just one thing....LOVE!! His unfailing faithfulness is what is keeping my head above water at times, when I just want to give up, He is there, when I feel defeated, He is there, when I feel unloved, He is there, ALWAYS!!!!Praise the Lord!!
Well maybe it didn't turn out to be such a pity party after all. :)
I would have to say that I know I have self esteem issues, always have. I know that I should probably take responsibility for them but I have to think that I didn't come into this world with these issues. I have to assume that these were brought on me, I was made to have these issues by other people. I know that this happens in everyone's life but there are times that I honestly feel like I am the only one. I feel alone, sad, depressed at times. I go back in my mind and try to think...when did this start and I can't come up with a certain day or time. I think it comes back to a period of just piling on.
I can not sit here and tell you one time that I have ever heard my parents say they are proud of me for anything....told me I was pretty, told me I was smart, that I was worth something, nope, nadda, nothing. I was never shown the proper way a man should treat a woman which is probably why when I started dating men I allowed them to use me,to never tell me I was pretty, or to value me, why...because I didn't value myself enough to care. Why I allowed myself to stay in a loveless marriage for a decade thinking at the end that it was my fault that he was never home, that he never listened to me, that he made fun of me, that he called me names, told me I was worthless and I took it all thinking that this was the norm when in retrospect it was anything but normal. It was quite abnormal.
Why I can't make friends easily because at some point they are going to let me down and probably use me as others have. Now that isn't to say that I don't have friends, I do, but I have a whole lot of people that I call friends that probably don't know when my birthday is or what my fav color is or what I like to do for fun...the reason they don't know this is because I don't allow them to know it. I don't share therefore, the less they know the less chance I have of getting hurt. Sounds like a good idea right?? Not so much at times. I have probably truly confided in maybe 10 people in the past 10 years. There are things about me that would make some blush, some be disgusted, and some just choose to not be around me, but that is my past, that is what I carry with me, that is what makes me who I am today. Not all good at times, but also not all bad.
I really try to be a good person and do the right things and the things that are expected of me, I fail and sometimes I feel like I fail on a daily basis but that is when I have to remind myself.. I am not in this alone anymore, I have a friend that is with me all the time, that has always been there, but I just refused to allow him in at times. Why?? I could give you a hundred excuses but that is all they would be....excuses! When I truly give my cares and burdens over to the Lord and stop thinking about how bad I have been or how much I screwed up in the past or how much I screwed up today....is when I find true friendship. He is there always without fail, without condemnation, He is there with just one thing....LOVE!! His unfailing faithfulness is what is keeping my head above water at times, when I just want to give up, He is there, when I feel defeated, He is there, when I feel unloved, He is there, ALWAYS!!!!Praise the Lord!!
Well maybe it didn't turn out to be such a pity party after all. :)
Monday, June 15, 2009
June 15, week in review :)
Another week has come and gone, can you believe it?? I can't we are already half way through this year...just think people...6 months till Christmas....yuck!! Oh well, there is nothing I can do about time going so fast since I have yet to figure out this whole time travel thing. It's on my to-do list. Speaking of that, it seems like my list gets longer while my desire to finish it gets shorter.
Ok, let's see....had a couple of ball games last week. They were fun to watch, this is year 3 for my sweetie playing and year 2 for Brandon. They both are improving and I love watching them play. Now that isn't to say that our team is winning any more games, because they aren't but they have a good time playing and I love getting to cheer for my sweetie. This week will probably be their last games of the season, I will miss getting out during the week and having something to do. I think that is the one thing that I really don't like about being a sahm. I don't like the isolation of it, I have never done the alone thing well so this is a tough one for me.
I wish I could say that the boys attitudes have gotten better...but sadly it has not. I feel so used at times. They are only nice to me when they want something, they things that they say to me and treat me is just atrocious at times. A perfect example, this past weekend, while attending a funeral my son texted me and I let him know where I was. It was about 45 minutes later and my phone rings and it is him, I pick up, he hangs up. So then it rings again, I pick up...he hangs up...this went on about 6 more times so then I finally texted him and said...dude, whatcha doing?? He texts back and says, trying to get his bluetooth working. I said ok. So then he proceeds to call me about 4 more times...I finally texted him and said, I am going to turn my phone off. This ignited in him a response that I was just turning the phone off because I didn't want to talk to him.....WHAT?? I said, no, just don't want to continue to have you hanging up on me. He then gets mad and tells me to not worry that he will not be calling me ever again.
Now as the night went on, the madder I got...I mean how dare him to get mad at me for not wanting to keep getting hung up on. Are you kidding me?? Don't I have the right to get frustrated over this?? Am I just supposed to suck it up and say nothing and continue to let my phone ring and get hung up on the rest of the night...is that how this works?? I always think that if they could see how the other person feels when they go off like this....or just put themselves in that person's shoes. They would react the same way probably. But no, just because I am their mother it is supposed to be alright. I don't think so, it doesn't work like that. I deserve to be treated with respect.
Oh well, enough with my rant...I am sure there will be more.
Until next time...be sweet and treat everyone nice.....who knows they may be gun owners!
Ok, let's see....had a couple of ball games last week. They were fun to watch, this is year 3 for my sweetie playing and year 2 for Brandon. They both are improving and I love watching them play. Now that isn't to say that our team is winning any more games, because they aren't but they have a good time playing and I love getting to cheer for my sweetie. This week will probably be their last games of the season, I will miss getting out during the week and having something to do. I think that is the one thing that I really don't like about being a sahm. I don't like the isolation of it, I have never done the alone thing well so this is a tough one for me.
I wish I could say that the boys attitudes have gotten better...but sadly it has not. I feel so used at times. They are only nice to me when they want something, they things that they say to me and treat me is just atrocious at times. A perfect example, this past weekend, while attending a funeral my son texted me and I let him know where I was. It was about 45 minutes later and my phone rings and it is him, I pick up, he hangs up. So then it rings again, I pick up...he hangs up...this went on about 6 more times so then I finally texted him and said...dude, whatcha doing?? He texts back and says, trying to get his bluetooth working. I said ok. So then he proceeds to call me about 4 more times...I finally texted him and said, I am going to turn my phone off. This ignited in him a response that I was just turning the phone off because I didn't want to talk to him.....WHAT?? I said, no, just don't want to continue to have you hanging up on me. He then gets mad and tells me to not worry that he will not be calling me ever again.
Now as the night went on, the madder I got...I mean how dare him to get mad at me for not wanting to keep getting hung up on. Are you kidding me?? Don't I have the right to get frustrated over this?? Am I just supposed to suck it up and say nothing and continue to let my phone ring and get hung up on the rest of the night...is that how this works?? I always think that if they could see how the other person feels when they go off like this....or just put themselves in that person's shoes. They would react the same way probably. But no, just because I am their mother it is supposed to be alright. I don't think so, it doesn't work like that. I deserve to be treated with respect.
Oh well, enough with my rant...I am sure there will be more.
Until next time...be sweet and treat everyone nice.....who knows they may be gun owners!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
What happened to them??
It's kinda funny, when I first started writing this it was supposed to be about my weight loss, well in fact it has ended up being about my life. That isn't to say that my weight loss isn't a part of my life, at times it even has felt like the only thing that I think about and worry about. I am sick again, I am so tired of not being able to breathe, I finally made an appointment to go see an ear, nose and throat specialist. Hopefully I can get some relief from this craziness.
Well some things have changed around our house, the boys decided that they wanted to go live with their dad to which I finally gave in. They have been there a few months now...you would think...no more problems right....WRONG!! It seems that even though they live with him now and finally got what they "said" they wanted. I am still the root of their problems, at least according to them. I look at them sometimes and think....what happened to them. They used to be so sweet and kind and such good boys. Now they are still good boys but they have strayed away from things that are right and have began talking to me as if I was the check-out lady at the supermarket....but the be honest, she would probably be treated more kindly.
I just pray and pray that they will eventually come back to what they know is right. And, in all actuality that is the only thing you can do...you have to surrender them to God. Be there, pray for them, love them, try to guide them in the right direction and just hope that they will allow God to work in their life.
On to other things, my relationship with my mother is still strained...I know, big surprise huh?? I don't know that I want to attempt to put myself back into the relationship.
Kylie lost one of her top front teeth today, she looks so cute with that snaggle tooth smile. My sweetie is growing up so much. She is done with her 1st grade year and made straight A's, she is so smart. She obviously gets the brains from her daddy.
Well I am racking my brain to think of something else to say but I got nothing...so I am out!!
Until next time, be sweet!!
Well some things have changed around our house, the boys decided that they wanted to go live with their dad to which I finally gave in. They have been there a few months now...you would think...no more problems right....WRONG!! It seems that even though they live with him now and finally got what they "said" they wanted. I am still the root of their problems, at least according to them. I look at them sometimes and think....what happened to them. They used to be so sweet and kind and such good boys. Now they are still good boys but they have strayed away from things that are right and have began talking to me as if I was the check-out lady at the supermarket....but the be honest, she would probably be treated more kindly.
I just pray and pray that they will eventually come back to what they know is right. And, in all actuality that is the only thing you can do...you have to surrender them to God. Be there, pray for them, love them, try to guide them in the right direction and just hope that they will allow God to work in their life.
On to other things, my relationship with my mother is still strained...I know, big surprise huh?? I don't know that I want to attempt to put myself back into the relationship.
Kylie lost one of her top front teeth today, she looks so cute with that snaggle tooth smile. My sweetie is growing up so much. She is done with her 1st grade year and made straight A's, she is so smart. She obviously gets the brains from her daddy.
Well I am racking my brain to think of something else to say but I got nothing...so I am out!!
Until next time, be sweet!!
Monday, May 4, 2009
It's been a while May 4, 2009
Oh my goodness, I haven't been on here in forever to journal. It's like missing your therapy appointments...ok, so here goes.
The past couple of months have been really busy, a good kind of busy though as you know I don't do alone very well so being busy helps. Now before you get any crazy ideas like I have been cleaning out my cabinets and scrubbing my floors....not that kind of busy. :)
My sweetie went on his Emmaus walk back at the beginning of March. I have to tell you, that whole experience showed me a lot of things about me and some that I didn't like. I found out that I am a very needy person. I went 4 days without being able to talk to me husband, this just about took it's toll on me. I found myself crying on the second day, I am not a strong person by any means and by Sunday, I was just walking around in a fog basically. When I was finally able to see him again, it was like....ahh, now this is how it is supposed to be. I have told him, it will have to be joint effort when we die, I don't want to live without him. He was able to tell me a little bit about his walk, he had a great experience and so now was my time to go.
I went 4 weeks later, it was a bit easier just knowing that since he had been before, he would be able to come up and serve at the meals and we could see each other for a few minutes. I have to say I did this with the same trepidation that I do everything in life. I am so glad that I let my sweetie talk me into staying, I would have truly missed my blessing and being able to find some freedom from a lot of baggage that I have been carrying for a very, very long time. I got some of my joy back, I am not a completely changed person because in my mind to say that I am changed is to say that I don't have room to grow and I definitely know that I have more room to grow. I am new, that I what I like to call it. I still find myself at times trying to pick my baggage back up but I just have to say to myself over and over and over and over....don't do it Karen, you are forgiven. Do not let your past dictate your life!! That is the most important thing that I have to keep telling myself.
I have so much more to tell but for now I will just say that I am truly blessed and forgiven and for that I Thank the Lord!!
The past couple of months have been really busy, a good kind of busy though as you know I don't do alone very well so being busy helps. Now before you get any crazy ideas like I have been cleaning out my cabinets and scrubbing my floors....not that kind of busy. :)
My sweetie went on his Emmaus walk back at the beginning of March. I have to tell you, that whole experience showed me a lot of things about me and some that I didn't like. I found out that I am a very needy person. I went 4 days without being able to talk to me husband, this just about took it's toll on me. I found myself crying on the second day, I am not a strong person by any means and by Sunday, I was just walking around in a fog basically. When I was finally able to see him again, it was like....ahh, now this is how it is supposed to be. I have told him, it will have to be joint effort when we die, I don't want to live without him. He was able to tell me a little bit about his walk, he had a great experience and so now was my time to go.
I went 4 weeks later, it was a bit easier just knowing that since he had been before, he would be able to come up and serve at the meals and we could see each other for a few minutes. I have to say I did this with the same trepidation that I do everything in life. I am so glad that I let my sweetie talk me into staying, I would have truly missed my blessing and being able to find some freedom from a lot of baggage that I have been carrying for a very, very long time. I got some of my joy back, I am not a completely changed person because in my mind to say that I am changed is to say that I don't have room to grow and I definitely know that I have more room to grow. I am new, that I what I like to call it. I still find myself at times trying to pick my baggage back up but I just have to say to myself over and over and over and over....don't do it Karen, you are forgiven. Do not let your past dictate your life!! That is the most important thing that I have to keep telling myself.
I have so much more to tell but for now I will just say that I am truly blessed and forgiven and for that I Thank the Lord!!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
February 4, 2009
Well let's see...how have things been lately. For the most part, pretty good. The kids are all doing well, got great report cards and everyone seems to have mellowed out...for the most part. :)
I don't know if I mentioned or not but my oldest, Brandon got his official driver's license...so everyone on the road watch out!! No really, he is a good driver and I am proud of him for being so responsible. I talked to Kylie's teacher yesterday and she mentioned to me that she was so proud of Kylie because they had taken some kind of Benchmark test and Kylie had only missed one question and scored higher than anyone in the class...woohoo!! Way to go Kylie...I guess that one year of homeschooling didn't ruin her!! Ok, you know I had to get that little dig in there.
Valentine's Day is coming up next weekend and I just wanted to publicly say right now that I think this holiday is just getting ridiculous... I mean come on...are you telling me that there is just one day in the year when I should "really show" my loved ones that I love them. I saw a commercial from Kay Jewelers the other night and I asked Chris, why do they just show these stupid things at V-Day, Christmas and Mother's day?? They are basically saying, "If you really loved you wife, you would buy her this huge diamond" Not!! And for those women out there that expect it or they get mad or with hold certain things from their significant other or spouse...shame on you!! You are basically labeling yourself a whore or hooker, "pay me with diamonds and huge boxes of candy or no nookie nookie". I got news for you....you might as well go buy the fishnets and low cut shirts and push up bra...because you are selling it baby!!
Ok, I am off that rant for now. I reserve the right to come back to it though at a future date. I would have to say the only thing that seems to go right in my life is my relationship with my wonderful husband Chris. I still find myself always questioning things though. As if in the back of my mind I am always saying...."why is he still here" I know that all this goes back to my self esteem problems and feelings of worth, which I have none on some days. I know that he loves me, really I know that....but in my sick little mind.....I allow myself to question it and in doing so I start getting those bricks back out and putting them up....
Oh well, until next time...be sweet and say a little prayer for the ones that you love
I don't know if I mentioned or not but my oldest, Brandon got his official driver's license...so everyone on the road watch out!! No really, he is a good driver and I am proud of him for being so responsible. I talked to Kylie's teacher yesterday and she mentioned to me that she was so proud of Kylie because they had taken some kind of Benchmark test and Kylie had only missed one question and scored higher than anyone in the class...woohoo!! Way to go Kylie...I guess that one year of homeschooling didn't ruin her!! Ok, you know I had to get that little dig in there.
Valentine's Day is coming up next weekend and I just wanted to publicly say right now that I think this holiday is just getting ridiculous... I mean come on...are you telling me that there is just one day in the year when I should "really show" my loved ones that I love them. I saw a commercial from Kay Jewelers the other night and I asked Chris, why do they just show these stupid things at V-Day, Christmas and Mother's day?? They are basically saying, "If you really loved you wife, you would buy her this huge diamond" Not!! And for those women out there that expect it or they get mad or with hold certain things from their significant other or spouse...shame on you!! You are basically labeling yourself a whore or hooker, "pay me with diamonds and huge boxes of candy or no nookie nookie". I got news for you....you might as well go buy the fishnets and low cut shirts and push up bra...because you are selling it baby!!
Ok, I am off that rant for now. I reserve the right to come back to it though at a future date. I would have to say the only thing that seems to go right in my life is my relationship with my wonderful husband Chris. I still find myself always questioning things though. As if in the back of my mind I am always saying...."why is he still here" I know that all this goes back to my self esteem problems and feelings of worth, which I have none on some days. I know that he loves me, really I know that....but in my sick little mind.....I allow myself to question it and in doing so I start getting those bricks back out and putting them up....
Oh well, until next time...be sweet and say a little prayer for the ones that you love
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