I am such a slacker!!

Yeah, I know I am, no need to tell me. I haven't posted in about 2 weeks. I suck at keeping up. Oh well, there could be worse problems. I am 2 days shy of my 5 weeks post-op and I am feeling great. I have no pain now whatsoever and I have to keep reminding myself to be careful, don't overdo it, I don't want to do any damage to things still healing that would force me to have to "be good" for any longer. Oh my gosh, let me just tell you now, this has been the longest.....longest 5 weeks so far and I have one more week to go...come on people. Woman can not survive with food and sleep alone. I must have hubby!!! LOL, Now don't blush, this is the real me, if you can handle it ok, if not, then stop reading now. My parents have not disappointed me in that, they have yet to ask me how I am doing, how my recovery process has been or just "how you feeling today", nope, nothing, nada. Oh well, you might say, well you asked for it by not telling them, and to some degree you might be right but they are still my parents and are supposed to care about me....oh wait...maybe that is it. (this is where the light bulb goes on above my head) They are acting like people that don't care, so now I know.

I don't know what has really kept me from posting the last couple of weeks, I haven't been that busy and I haven't had a legitimate reason really other than, well, I just haven't felt like putting my thoughts down on paper just yet. But, today is a new day, so here goes. I am putting my kids back in public school this year, my daughter will go into the first grade, my son into high school. I have to say that going into homeschooling I really didn't know if I would like it or not, but now that I am not doing it this year, I have to say I think I am going to miss it. I really want to go back to work but I guess I want my cake and be able to eat it too. I got really emotional last night at out church small group meeting. They asked about prayer request and I just kinda lost it and had to leave the room. I really am struggling with this whole school thing for my daughter, now I don't worry about my son that much, he can handle himself. Truth be told, my daughter can too. I just worry about her. This is my baby, this is the last time that I really feel like I can hold on to her and keep her small. To put her in school is like telling her it is ok, mom won't always be there, now go out into the world and grow. That thought literally hurts me to my core. Knowing everything this world has to offer and all the bad things as well. I feel like I can't protect her forever but while she is small, that is my job and it just feels like I am letting her go get hurt.

I know how girls are in school, trust me I was one once. They are cruel, I would never want someone to tell my daughter she isn't smart enough or pretty enough or friendly enough to do anything she wants in life. I never want her to have one minute's doubt or fear but to hope that she never has this is to also wish that the sun won't rise tomorrow or that the stars won't shine in the sky at night. It is crazy to think that she will never be hurt in life but like I said, while she is small I feel like that is my job to protect her from that.

Oh well, enough of that. I will be off to crying again. I am so sick of this weak side of me and just wish for once that I could be strong and not let my insecurities rule my emotions. As I always say, grow a spine, but easier said than done.

Ok, until next time, be sweet and go hug a child while they still let you because who knows, maybe next month they will think you sprouted that second head and want have anything to do with you.